I have been really lucky. With the exception of one of my relationships, I have always had really good boyfriends. I have had boyfriends who were thoughtful, romantic, articulate, effusive when it came to their feelings for me. I am still on good terms with every ex (except that one …who I think we all have, don’t we?) I have ever loved.
The thing is, that because of this, it makes me a very picky person. Here is the list of things I do not tolerate:
Lying.
Flakiness.
In-ability to communicate
Hot and Cold affections
I have been listening to a lot of my single guy friends lately talk about issues with women they are either with, or trying to get into something meaningful with. A common thread is not knowing where people stand.
Here is an email I got from a friend yesterday. (He said I could share it, so I’m not divulging personal information.)
I don’t know what is happening. I’m so frustrated. So, she calls me Sunday afternoon from work and says she wants to hang out that night. I had plans, but I cancelled them because I hadn’t seen her for over a week. Amelia, she seriously hadn’t even responded to my text messages in like 2 days. But anyway so all of a sudden she wants to see me and I say okay and we have an amazing night hanging out. I planned a really great date. I spent like an hour planning it and she had a great time, I had her laughing all night, she stayed over, yadda yadda. So I text her yesterday to let her know I wanted to see her again soon because that’s what youre supposed to do if you’re not playing games right? And I still haven’t heard back from her. What do I do?
Phew. Wow. So, I can completely relate to this scenario. And, quite frankly, I’m guessing that most people can. We have all had someone who we’re really into even though we can’t quite figure out what they’re thinking. Or, we have had someone who seems interested in us and then all of a sudden backs off.
In my experience the only way to get out of this becoming a total mindf#$! is to be open about it. It sucks sometimes because it makes you a vulnerable person. But one thing I learned from my last relationship is that if people aren’t willing to be vulnerable and put themselves out there, it is going to make for a very stifled relationship.
Another thing I have to say about this, even though it’s going to be hypocrisy at it’s finest, is that I think I am learning that replacing text messaging with a good, old fashioned phone call might be the best bet. With a text message that whole, “should I text again? Maybe it didn’t go through…” seems viable, and reasonable. But with a phone call, a message unanswered is a pretty obvious signal.
Men vs. Women. We find each other so complicated, but we pull the same shenanigans with one another. Why is communication such a difficult concept to grasp?
