Trial and Error...

I remember when I was in the 9th grade and Alex M. paid my best friend Katherine $1 to tell me he was in love with me. He then came up to me in the middle of drama class while I was sitting on the stage and said, "So? Did, um--Did she tell you?"

And that's how relationships were at that age. Sweet, innocent, trial and error.

I made a promise to myself at the end of my last relationship that I was going to be less picky--not lower my standards--but add people to the list of "acceptable to date." I used to turn a guy down for a variety of superficial things. It pains me to say it because I hate to think of myself that way. But I'm realizing that sometimes quality doesn't always come in the aesthetic form of George Clooney.

My last boyfriend, Carl, was not someone that I ever would have intentionally gone on a date with. He was way to old for me, socially awkward, and didn't look like the kind of guy that would normally turn my head. What he was was super into me.

I'd just gotten out of an incredibly emotionally trying relationship with someone I loved deeply, and Carl was there as a friend to pick up the pieces. Over time he found the fragments of my ego and carefully stapled them back together through poetry, little surprises, compliments, kindness, and devotion. Before I knew it I was spending al my time with him, we were meeting each other's family's, taking vacations, and eventually moving in together.

From that experience I learned that the people you might not give a chance to might be the people who most surprise you.

That's how my first date with Jordan came about, my new say-yes-to-people-you-wouldn't-otherwise thing. He is not the type of guy, physically, that I date. But I made the decision to give him just one chance because I might make a friend out of it, at least. Turns out--we had a million things to talk about, had a lot in common, and I had a genuinely good time.

Who knew?

Shouldn't I Know Better?

One of the best things I ever did when it came to relationships was reading the book, "He's Just Not That Into You."

I learned a ton from that book. I found myself hiding in corners of Barnes and Nobles laughing hysterically, wanting to punch something, nodding enthusiastically like, "exactly!", or rip the pages out and frame them for either myself or friends. Then I bought it because I decided-- if I wanted to avert arrest-- that this book, and the emotions it produced were best kept in privacy.

It is so easy to live out scenarios and make excuses for people and find the million reasons why you are the exception to the advice you've so sagely doled out to your friends in similar circumstances. But you're not. You know you're not. You are the rule.

A couple months ago I met a guy at a party. Ron. I thought he was cute, and even though I had never made the first move before I decided to give him my number. (I think because I was pretty drunk.) I half way hoped he wouldn't call me because I remember inwardly cringing when he told me his age. 24. And--let's be real--a man's 24 is usually a woman's 21. However, he ignored all the man guides and called me the very next day. Instantly I was intrigued.

We went out several times, things seemed to progressing. I was a little put off by the fact that I had to initiate a conversation about our lack of physicality after the three week mark--but I chalked it up to him being a gentleman.

So--here it is--almost 2 months after we met and I cannot tell you for the life of me what changed between then and now, but things have fizzled. They have fizzled, popped, and shriveled up to a lifeless clump you leave in the corner to sweep up.

I kept trying to figure out why one day Ron  just stopped asking me out for dates, why he stopped texting daily just to touch base, why I suddenly felt like if I wanted a response to a text message by 10pm I should send mine before noon. I tried over analyzing things for a few days and then one day I decided maybe I was too old for that. So, I did what I think adults are "supposed" to do in these situations and communicated!

I asked him straight up why he had seemed to back off and he said he hadn't. He had just been busy. But that nothing else had changed. I breathed a little sigh of relief, until the next day I texted him around noon with an open ended question, and by 9pm I still hadn't heard anything back.

I started thinking... what is busy? I went to school full time, worked full time, had an internship for 15 additional hours a week and somehow I managed to maintain having a social life. Yeah, barely, but I did it. It really doesn't take a lot of energy to send a text that says, "Hey. Hope you have a great day!" or "Hey, I am really busy this week. But I have a few hours free Saturday...dinner?" Really, I sometimes send texts while I'm on the toilet, so...

Today something clicked that a few years ago might have taken me five times longer to understand: Ron is just not that into me!

Oh well, his loss! And, onto the next...

Yes it was.

So I bailed on the night out with Jordan the night before the fact. I knew I had to be in class for 8 hours the following day, and I was getting over being sick so the idea of navigating through tons of crowds at the game and meeting new people did not appeal to me. 

Turns out, it was a date. Or at least the make up offer turned into one. He texted me sweetly to say he hoped I felt better and that next time he was in town (he lives an hour and a half away) we would go for dinner, drinks and a movie. 

That is how I decided the hang out offer was maybe not intended as a plutonic, "hey, let's be friends!"...

I guess I could still be off, but my instincts tell me otherwise. 

Um...Is this a date?

In the first couple of weeks I was back from Central America I hopped right back into the Disaster Relief training I'd started before I left for my 5 month trip. In my first training there was a guy, we'll call him-- Jordan.

We talked for a bit, bullshitted, whatever. Lesson was over and we went our separate ways. Fast forward a month later and we're put on the same shift for a TV fundraiser for the Japanese earthquake/tsunami. I say something under my breath about needing coffee, and Jordan brings me a hot cuppa joe with a snack just as I'm taking my seat.

As I'm about to leave for the day he tells me that I should sign up for the same shelter training session as him the following weekend, because it's always good to know someone else in the class. 

Long story (semi) shortened-- After the weekend Shelter Ops training Jordan asks me for my phone number. Then...

He doesn't contact me for a week! A week man. I lose interest in a week if I don't know someone well. I'm not saying I was interested, but if I had been then too bad for Bonzo. 

Finally he texts me and asks me to go to a Mariner's game with him and a bunch of people. Here in lies the question:

If someone asks you to a group event on your very first time hanging out--is it a date? Or is it a, "Hey, this is me reaching out trying to make a new friend.".... What do you think? 

I got the Sickies

Sick. I am really sick today. I want soup. I want cuddles despite me telling him not to because I don’t want him to get sick. I want medicine and babying. Waking up from nightmares and being indisposed are the two times it makes it so hard not to call your most recent significant other.

I don’t remember how I did it last time…

Any suggestions?